sleepless in unfamiliar hotel rooms, going from one strange place to another, talking nonsense to people I've just met, watching unknown independent films, looking for tea in airport lounges, lying in bed wondering if I am any closer to being the person who I want to be than I was six months ago. I haven't written any songs, haven't written any scripts, haven't read enough books, haven't thought enough about the world, found no love no freedom no hope no aspiration worth dying for, had I been reduced to "waiting for godot"... I wouldn't know.

Wouldn't it be nice if our history would not catch up with us?  If we were born every morning and died when we sleep; everyday would be a new opportunity, we would not be judged for our past mistakes, we would not hold any grudges against anyone and have no one hold a grudge against us.  It would not matter who are our friends and foes, we would appreciate the length of a 24 hour day and make full use of this as much as possible.  We would love and not hate, we would have no time for jealousy, and tomorrow it would be another life, a different face, a different story.  Or perhaps I was just hoping that me myself alone would have a new life everyday, that I would forget all, that I would endure pain with no scars, that I would have no memory and no capacity to reflect on my decisions, so that I would just keep living without the fear of regret.

I'm hopelessly incapably of remembering things so I should really start writing in this thing everyday again soon.  I know I've said that many times, but I really have to do it since I'm really forgetful.

Today, I had a haircut at this Japanese place, that costs like 50 bucks for dry cut.  I really wanted to try it so I did.  Today, also chose my curtains for my flat - black with white sheers. 

Last night I went out to TST, haven't been there for ages.  Had quite a bit of fun playing with strangers, though I got hella drunk in the end... unfortunately, and started to nose-bleed, scary!

Yesterday I went to Kowloon Bay to finally buy stuff from Ikea, and tried to buy stuff from B&Q, but nothing was right there.  They're sending the furnitures to my flat tomorrow so I'm hella excited.  At the moment, my bed is finally getting made, so by this weekend I should be able to "move in".  I mean, as long as I have a bed and a few clothes I could stay there for a few nights, right?  Problem is, I really need an alarm clock, and I need to check how I can get to the office from mongkok.

I'm spending a hell of a lot f money in my flat.  It's crazy but I suppose worth it.  Now that I've got pretty much the essentials, I'm going to slow down on my credit card, and give myself a break from shopping furnitures et al.  I don't need to have EVERYTHING when I move in, right?  I still want that piano though.  I'm just excited about the mirrors coming in tomorrow.  so excited!  My flat will finally look more like a livable home than just an empty shell.

I'm sad... I'm betrayed by my own people again.  I'm sad.

On to happier thoughts, at the last minute I managed to buy shower curtains and other accessories at Bed, Bath and Beyond in Florida.  And just submitted my application for masters in Economics at HKU, right before the deadline.  I hope they accept it.  I just wish the weather would warm up even more.  I'm sick and tired of feeling weak and cold.  my mind's all fuzzy from the long plane ride.  Not so sure what to do tonight, or should I just stay in and hug myself?

moving out, moving out, moving out... finally moving out to my very own flat.  Needs lots of courage you know.  Today finally registered for gas, electricity, internet and cable.  Still yet to do, is register for water, buy a TV, a bed, table, bookshelf, closet, etc.. lots of things to buy!!

Just this year alone, I've been to Taiwan, Thailand and Guangzhou.  I hope to travel more.  The more places I visit, the more things I learn.  It's really great.

I have an exam tomorrow, but I'm not in the mood to study...

I had such a crazy night on Friday, I love my classmates, and I love shocking them into knowing how local I am.  As Holly Golightly says, "It's useful to be top banana in the shock department" but it's even better to be incredibly cultured and intelligent.  So I've been reading and studying, if I were a Sim, I'm trying to increase my "culture" and "intelligence" ratings, as well as "appearance" at the same time.  I can aspire to be a beautiful cool intellectual, no?

I also had drinks with my French friends, whom I haven't seen for a long, long time.  So nice to chat with people like that, makes me feel so international.